Love Vs. Passion

As most of you know, I am back in Spokane. For how long I have no clue.
For the past few years I have been struggling with finding my passion and finding what I am good at, what Jesus wants me to do. I feel like I've bounced around, jumping from thing to thing, Children , Discipleship training schools, all over Africa, and in Asia, waiting for this big gong to go off in my relationship with Him and I would know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was what I was supposed to be doing.
All along loving God and doing these things for his glory.
The definition of love is :a

a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

profoundly tender, passionate affection for an
Key word in that being passionate.
I don't know exactly what I am writing here but for me, I feel like there has been a disconnect between love and passion for me.

I having been loving Jesus, but not been viewing it as a passion. What if that is all He wants. What if that and that only is what He wants from me.
i
Its not about what I am do, what country I am in, or what the next step is.

I feel like one of the problem i have identified within myself is that, I am never in the "now". I am always in a different tense.
So for now the only tense i will be in, the only position i will be in, the only place I will be in...
Will be chasing the one who makes all the rest of life possible. He is my passion.

My Struggle in Song

I know its a little clach'e to use someone else's words to verbablize how you feel. God showed me this song the other day and it hit me straight in the face. What I am chasing what I am doing. Live life for Him. I realized I was holding back myself by my own selfishness. Anyways, fantastic song fantastic group if you haven't heard them. Be Blessed

My struggle in a song : Garden by Needtobreathe


Wont you take this scar from me
cuz fear has stolen all my sleep
if tomorrow means my death
I pray you'll save their souls with it

let the songs i sign bring joy to you
let the words i say profess my love
let the notes i chose be your favorite tune
Father let my heart be after you

in this hour of time i see
who i am is not just me
give me strength to die myself,
so love can live to tell the tale

let the songs i sign bring joy to you
let the words i say profess my love
let the notes i chose be your favorite tune
Father let my heart be after you

Father let my heart be after you
in everything I do

let the songs i sign bring joy to you
let the words i say profess my love
let the notes i chose be your favorite tune
father let my heart be after you

Dreaming for Derek (my wake up call)

We have had many speakers in the DTS so far, and all have been very good. Last we had a speaker come in called Frans Conje. He talked about our dreams and passions.
When I started staffing this DTS, I was really crying out to God to redefine my dreams, my passions and what He wanted me to do. Frans came in and only spoke for three mornings, and opened up a can of worms for me. Next steps, new ideas, what passions aren't mine, and what I want to do. So God has been speaking to me about the future and making it mine and pursue MY dreams.

Frans in his 30's decided he wanted to be a director. He had been working with sports ministry for along time, and than God gave Him something totally out of the box. He directed the movie "faith like potatoes" and the movie "Hansie" (which was his brother). But he did this all without any idea what he was doing at first, God just told him to do it and He created great movies. I feel like it was encouragement for me to think outside the box and do what I want to do. That with God passions aren't impossible, if i wanted to be a president (not saying I want to be) but with God I could do that.

Anyways, just an update on what I have been learning and what He has been speaking to me this last week.

DTS outreach

Today, we announced the outreaches for this DTS. Man, I am so excited. We have a Trifecta of leadership on the outreach team. Me, Hayley, and Stanley will be leading this team into the Zambian Wild and the suburb's of Joburg.
This is the team(front to back) Lennon, Leonard, Shayla, Mongo, Pinkie, Lizzy, Manuel, Marcella, Laney, Breanna, Brittany, Kelly, Rebekkah, Kacy, Michael.

Today, we announced the outreaches for this DTS. Man, I am so excited. We have a Trifecta of leadership on the outreach team. Me, Hayley, and Stanley will be leading this team into the Zambian Wild and the suburb's of Joburg.

These Students are amazing! 10 girls and 5 guy students. Keep us in your prayers as we start to develop as a team and for the planning of this outreach.

Starting fresh and New

My third time returning to Africa has been by far the best. I am now staffing a DTS here at YWAM kruger, and am loving it. It has really turned into my home and the people here are my family. Everyday is alittle bit better than the next and I thank God that He is so good!

He is to Good!

I nicknamed him Potato!

having a job in the U.S. and working in a foreign country are two separate things. While they both have similar parts and origins, doing missionary work is completely different than having a job.

Some might say that missionary work is a job, in fact, I might even say that. Getting up every morning realizing your in a different country, doing something that five years ago you wouldn't even consider doing, loving people who absolutely need it, and giving God the glory is in my opinion the greatest job in the world.

Thank you everyone who has made this possible. I appreciate all the encouragement and love that has been given.

Getting the Train rolling!

Adjustment... the dictionary says the definition of adjustment "harmony achieved by modification or change of a position." Those words may look few but in fact that has been the definition of my life the past few months.

Coming to a new base would be a challenge in its own right, but coming to a new base overseas is a completely different kind of beast. You deal with culture changes, adjusting to people, new physical lifestyle and different ministry opportunities. I thought about those things and pushed them aside and said "God is bigger, and He has me here for a reason."

I have been here for three months now and I am happy to say, I love Africa. Adjusting well should actually be in my job description, probably my biggest problem would be trying to figure out my roll at the base and what He has me doing, but I feel like he is just telling me "wait".

Looking back on the past year and a half, man God has me on a crazy ride, and it is just beginning.